The most common question I come across while doing consultations is - who is my perfect partner according to astrology? It is one of our basic human needs to find someone who can help us feel complete. We all have certain preferences in partners and yet we always seem to land in relationships with low compatibility.
Does that mean relationships are doomed from the start? Not really. We just need to shift the way we think about relationships and perfect partners.
The basic issue with compatibility
Whether you are in love, single or in a relationship- compatibility is one of the most important thought that occupies your mind.
"Will they love the same movies that I do?"
It would be a complete falsehood to suggest that we don't check for relationship compatibility between signs when we first start liking someone. In fact, internet searches like "signs a leo woman loves you" are more than we imagine.
Everyone wants to know the signs, the little nuances of their personality. While doing kundli readings, I am asked several questions like-
"will he/she be based in the same city?"
"will we be the same caste or will it be intercaste marriage?"
"will I have a foreign spouse?"
"what would my spouse look like?"
"what could be the sign of my future spouse?"
"when will I be able to meet my future spouse?"
.... and so on and so forth. There is never really an end to questions related to love, marriage and compatibility.
Rethinking love and compatibility
When people ask me about their "perfect partner," I often end up asking them about their definition of perfect. For some, it could be a person who looks good with them, for others it could be someone who shares similar values. But the most common answer is = "someone who understands me and cares for me," followed by "someone who accepts me as who I am (more common with women than men)."
I often notice that while looking for or dreaming about a partner, we create a fantasy- sugar, spice and everything nice. It is uncommon for us to create the image of a perfect partner in our head while accepting the fact that they may not love us the way we want them to.
Imagine you have the image of a perfect partner in your head- a tall, dark and handsome man with a stable career- somewhere at the top of his organization, and a family that he deeply cares about. He accepts you as you are and doesn't intend to change much about your personality.
However, you expect this man to shower you with gifts on Valentine's Day so that you can also post pictures on social media- just like your friends. That is a very innocent demand. But the way he loves you could be different. He may want quieter, home cooked meals for Valentine's Day and a movie date on... ahem.. Netflix. He may watch one of your rom-coms with you but fall asleep halfway through because he was tired from a long day at work. He doesn't forget your birthday or your anniversary but he never does anything huge. He is the quiet types.
For an innocent heart with lots of dreams about a fantasy romantic relationship, this could be heartbreaking. You may feel there is something wrong with your relationship and may start seeking advice from everyone. This may create a negative spiral. Sometimes, I see small breach of expectations like this piling up over time and creating a huge rift between two perfectly compatible people.
Yes, even with kundli guna milan, things could go wrong and we can certainly blame it on expectations.
How to increase relationship compatibility?
Even if you two are a match made in heaven, you may experience a bumpy ride as you understand each other and create a life together. This is because of several reasons-
People have expectations- just like you
People tend to change over time
While the core of our personality remains the same, we find the outer layers of our personality change over time. We could be influenced or motivated by some people or trends, our astrological dashas may change and sometimes, we realize that our expectations are not being met.
Being realistic about relationships
The first thing that I tell people while doing relationship consulting is to be realistic about their expectations. Every person will have their fair share of failures and flaws. Most people will find their personalities changing every so slightly because of change in their dashas. I have seen people seemingly "wake up" after a terrible Rahu Dasha that lasted 18 years. Their spouses, who have known them for years are shocked by these changes. They find it incredibly difficult to pinpoint what brought about the changes or how to handle them. Sometimes, marriages last but they lose their luster.
When we think about relationships, we need to be very realistic in our image of the perfect partner. Yes, we can definitely have a fantasy figure in our heads but that flicker of imagination must not be strong enough to ruin an ongoing relationship. There is no point constantly comparing the perfect partner image with your current partner, who is flawed, has issues and may sometimes do things you don't want them to.
Understand yourself first
The less we know ourselves, the more unrealistic our demands will be.
There are multiple facets to our personality. No matter how much we like to define our personality as a Leo, Scorpio etc., there is always something more that makes us both complex and unique. We often have a hard time in understanding this personality- we may have hidden motives, motivations and repressed emotions that can bubble out of our carefully crafted exteriors without a warning.
We are complex beings and we have complex personalities. Remember, our partners will have equally complex personalities. Using astrology, you can understand all these explicit and implicit parts of our personality with ease. You can also do the same with your partner. I do Couple Horoscope Readings as well, which I always find the most amazing sessions. Two people, when they talk about their future, their issues with each other and empty their heart out using the amazing art of astrology.
Finally, understand your partner
Now that you have understood who you are, it is time to understand your partner. We have to follow the same approach here- understand that there are flaws in us and in our partners and we all can work it out together. You may experience a few bumps here and there while creating a life together. Sometimes, it would be about habits, sometimes about clashing schedules and sometimes about clashing life priorities.
You need to have more empathy for your partner as well as yourself. Learn to give yourself and your partner a lot more credit for what you are doing for each other. And if you need help with astrology, I am here for you! :) :)